Pokemon Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl have been my most anticipated games of 2021 ever since they were originally announced. While I’ve already explored every nook and cranny of Sinnoh on multiple occasions, there’s something very special about this snow-laden recreation of Hokkaido that still makes it enduring all these years later - particularly now that it’s a recreation of a recreation. Once I started viewing it through this lens, I couldn’t help but wonder about all the clever ways in which different elements of Gen 4 might be reinvented. Then I remembered her.
At the northeast tip of Sinnoh, slightly east of Lake Acuity, you’ll come across Snowpoint City, a gorgeous town that is unfortunately home to an atrocious person. In the northwestern corner of the village, slightly south of the path to Snowpoint Temple, is a house belonging to a girl named Mindy - the single worst video game character to have ever existed. Skyrim’s Braith is a closed second.
Gengar is a popular Pokemon, especially among millennials like myself whose introduction to the series was Pokemon Red & Blue. The issue with Gengar is that you can only obtain one via trading, at least in the older games. Mindy, like many NPCs in the Pokemon universe, is willing to trade with you if you manage to catch a specific Pokemon she’s interested in - what’s special is that she’s apparently okay with giving you a Haunter, which means you can get Gengar without having to link up with anyone in real life. Outside of Sword & Shield, where Gengar is catchable in the Wild Area, this is a totally unique opportunity to obtain Pokemon’s most illustrious Ghost.
So you march off into the wild and nab yourself a Medicham, which is the Pokemon Mindy supposedly wants. In your frenzy to legitimately get a Gengar without going online, you beeline back to Snowpoint and burst through Mindy’s door. Within seconds you’re introduced to Gaspar the Haunter… but wait. It doesn’t evolve?
“Haha!” Mindy laughs. “Did my Haunter turn into something else? Just kidding! I made it hold something that prevents it from evolving.”
If you weren’t already aware of the unforgivable crime Mindy has just committed, you’ll probably be able to deduce what happens from the line above. Mindy, in the most sadistic act ever committed in the Pokemon universe, gives Haunter an Everstone before trading it, ensuring that you do not, in fact, receive a Gengar. She is a selfish, conniving, scheming little troll, and I swear to Arceus I will lose my shit if she even tries to ask me for a Medicham in Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl.
It’s not just me, by the way. If you head over to Reddit, you’ll notice the popular FuckMindy subreddit, which still attracts daily posts on how much of a horrible person Pokemon’s worst ever character is. I’m not surprised either - I was ten when Mindy tricked me and I’m still seething with rage 15 years later. I’m so annoyed that I’ve become even more annoyed purely because of my decision to write this at all. I’m definitely going to have nightmares about Gaspar tonight. Was he in on the joke? Did Mindy also use him for her own selfish entertainment? Will he ever truly trust a human again after spending his life with humanity’s worst? Maybe I will trade for him in Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl purely to save him from that monster.
Pokemon Brilliant Diamond & Shining Pearl are out next week and I can’t wait to play them. If Mindy’s there, though… Look, once burned twice shy, but if curiosity gets the better of me and Swindly Mindy hasn’t changed her ways, my Switch is 100 percent going through a wall.