Amouranth has done a lot of wild things over the years, from purchasing gas stations for tax breaks to advertising her OnlyFans on a giant billboard. And I have just been informed that both these events happened over the span of a few months and not years, which goes to show how exhausting 2022 has already become.
However, Amouranth's latest entrepreneurial venture is easily her weirdest one yet. Amouranth has just announced "Cutie Pa-TOOT-ies, Scents By Amouranth," a limited collection of jars that have been filled with Amouranth's farts.
I'll let that sink in for a moment before I continue. Good? Great. Because it gets worse.
The creation of each of these scented jars has been detailed extensively in Amouranth's new ad on YouTube. After plucking a single hair, Amouranth places that hair inside the jar, then holds the jar up to her ass and farts in it. With the jar tightly screwed and then signed by Amouranth herself, anyone who wants to be wafted by Amouranth's waste gasses can do so by simply purchasing the jar from her website. The jar also contains the bonus prize of a single Amouranth hair.
Amouranth describes Cutie Pa-TOOT-ies as "genuine scented air," although a more accurate description might be scented methane.
Perhaps the most outrageous thing about Cutie Pa-TOOT-ies is the price. Amouranth has hand-signed and numbered a thousand of these scented jars and is selling them for $999.99 each. That's a thousand dollars for the privilege of smelling Amouranth's flatus.
If the thought of taking in the sweet, floral scent of Amouranth fart doesn’t get you going (and by god why wouldn't it?), then you’ll be happy to note that she’s also selling bottled bathwater. Cutie Pa-TOOT-ies also includes 3000 jars of hot tub water that had previously commingled with Amouranth’s skin. This may or may not include Amouranth hair as it’ll depend on whether any was present in Amouranth’s hot tub at the time of bottling. Each hot tub jar is only $199.99, making it a steal compared to the fart jars.
Amouranth is promising a scent that will last anywhere from 20-30 days, which says something either about Amouranth’s diet or the potency of the chlorine in her hot tub. Orders are available now online, and while I can't imagine why a human being would want this product, I'm also fairly certain that Cutie Pa-TOOT-ies will sell out in a matter of days, if not hours.